Byronbrand's tale of adventure !

The following is an excerpt by yours truly at the Green Dragon, Friday 26th of November 2010. 

Begin quote:

Good evening once again !

First I would like to reiterate and I am sure you all agree on this... How pleased we all are for me to have returned to the Shire.

And just in time for the Bramblebury elections too, where I have put my name ( Byronbrand that is ) on the candidate list of Deputy Mayor.

And as an off note I would just like to say:

"A vote for Byronbrand, is a vote for pie !"

Now then ! My story ! What has Byronbrand been up to you all those weeks ? I like to tell you to you all my daring tale ! A story filled with adventure, dragons, battle against orc, goblins and of many a beautiful hobbit lasses I met during my journey!

The reason I will NOT tell you this is because that would be an utter lie! This is because I have not met any dragons, orcs and goblins. And the occasional hobbit lasses I did meet is hardly an appropriate subject in the company of such civilized folk as gathered before me here tonight.

But don't despair. I did met a troll...

So, the reason I left was for a much bolder adventure, more daring and dangerous than orc and dragons... Yes, I left to find new ways of growing radishes. Yes... radishes. An interesting crop. I wanted new varieties.

I went as far as the lonelands, crossing a large bridge. There I searched for weeks on end! Looking for better radish crops. Until unfortunately, on a rainy day, I stumbled into a small cave to take shelter from the weather. And there I stood face to face with a troll ! Called "Burp" ( I did not know his name was Burp at the time, that only became apparent later on).

I am ashamed to say: we got into a fight, as it quickly became clear to me that Burps culinary tasts were rather different from mine. It was lucky for me then that "Burp" the troll was only two feet tall...

...so I quickly overcame him using my trusty cheese knife.

There I forced "Burp" to give me the location of all radish fields... A good plan I thought, as the troll would know all about the forest's crops ! He then explained to me that this is not the radishes season at all. Not one radish for miles round ! I was flabbergasted ! As I looked up in despair, I noticed the cave in more detail... and then I saw it ! The place was filled with mushrooms ! And as Burp explained to me: it went on like that for miles underground.

Yes good people, this is how my tale ends ! I returned with the location the mushroom cave only known to me !

Thus as a candidate for Deputy Mayor I can assure you all that - once elected - there will be a plenty full supply of fresh mushroom !

And as a last off note I would just like to say again:

"A vote for Byronbrand, is a vote for pie !"

Thank you!

End of quote.