Footman Lightfoot of the Third Foot Patrol undertook his very first mission in January. Acting on information received from a Ms. Lina Willowwood in a fireside recount, the Bounder launched an investigation into a troublesome canine pack reportedly called the Meanie Dogs.

[Lightfoot is known to confuse fiction & non-fiction after ten pints, so this Intelligence may be questionable - Ed.]

The patrol commenced at Waymeet on Friday the 16th of January and proceeded in an easterly direction to Bywater, pausing only for light refreshments at The Ivy Bush in Hobbiton. Lightfoot kept watch at The Green Dragon all night, whilst engaged in dancing & drinking to maintain morale. No Meanie Dogs were sighted.

The next day, Footman Lightfoot continued his patrol as far as The Floating Log in Frogmorton. A thorough inspection of all beverages was then undertaken. Contrary to information received in Friday night’s music-making, there were no frogs present in any of the brews. [See note above - Ed.]

On Sunday, the Third Foot Patrol reached The World’s Edge (known to local residents as Buckland). Lightfoot reconnoitred the eaves of The Old Forest. Despite the alarming rumours, no Walking-Talking Trees were detected. However, one great oak was seen to shake. Assistant Ruff did bark at the quivering bark. Upon closer inspection, Lightfoot discovered a Hobbit trio seated on high, engaged in much smoking and merry-making. The Bounder accepted their hospitality and shared the merriment until he felt too high-up and had to descend for rest and recuperation.

On Monday the 19th, Bounder Lightfoot was on guard duty for an outdoor performance of the Brandy Badgers in Michel Delving Market Square. All was well until a pair of Big Folk arrived mid-song. Their behaviour was most uncouth and they appear to have been responsible for an alarming explosion of some kind. Bounder Lightfoot bounded into nearby foliage to keep watch and shook like a leaf for camouflage purposes.

Thereafter, both members of the Third Foot Patrol maintained a ceaseless vigilance for Big Folk. This took place undercover, and indeed underground, in the beer-cellar of The Bird & Baby. Surveillance was curtailed when Lightfoot detected a spider in a cobweb and executed a tactical retreat.

Footman Lightfoot would like to assure all readers that they are safe from Meanie Dogs, Frogmorton Frogs, Walking Trees, and any other such irregularities. So sleep well Shire-folk, and eat, drink and be merry this week!