Footman Lightfoot of the Third Foot Patrol reports that on Saturday, 24th of January, he was on guard duty for the End of Yuletide Tea at the Grand Hall of the Grand Order of Lost Mathoms.
A thorough inspection of the building was undertaken. No lost mathoms were located. However, Lightfoot was alerted to the presence of a giant aquatic monster in the north-east corner of the hall. He kept close watch on this fierce beast until one helpful attendee explained that it was a stuffed exhibit. Lightfoot wondered whether the stuffing might be sage and onions.
During the slap-up feast that then followed, Lightfoot detected his first-ever alleged criminal! An unscrupulous guest was seen to be filling her pockets with pies and cakes. The Trainee Bounder was about to make his first-ever arrest, when the hostess repeated her invitation for guests to take home left-overs. Lightfoot promptly ceased his arrest plans to fill his garments to maximum capacity. These provisions equipped him for the long journey home from No. 4 to No. 6 Brookbank Street.
On Sunday, Lightfoot policed the Seasonal Grand Opening of the Bartunnel Cidermill, which was full to capacity with dancing and feasting guests. Miss Louella was notably generous with her portions of spiced apple pie & apple sauce as well as cider. Music for the venue was supplied by the Evendim Hillbillies, the Hillbilly Moonshiner’s and the Missin' Mugs.
At the end of a number of lively jigs, Lightfoot detected the terrible cries of a frightful wolf! He therefore ceased all merry-making to ascertain the source of the howling. Having never encountered a wolf before, he was surprised to discover that such creatures are hobbit-shaped, clothed like a lass, and answer to the name of Miss Twilite.
Lightfoot commenced a humanitarian quest on Monday. Acting on information received, he searched high and low for a fellow named Sammy the Slug. This poor character was reported by Miss Lina to be low on food supplies after being snowed in over Yule. Lightfoot left no stone unturned in his search. In fact, Sammy was found under a stone in his front garden. Heading back indoors to fetch sustenance, the rock was left overturned so that poor Sammy could get some fresh air. When Lightfoot returned, the slug had vanished. (Although Blakey the Blackbird had turned up to say hello.)
So began the Mystery of the Missing Slug. Thinking back carefully, Lightfoot recalled that Miss Willowwood had reported an unsavoury character called Monty the Snake. A possible line of enquiry! Assistant Bounder Ruff was therefore recruited to track down the suspect. For some reason, Lightfoot had assumed that Monty was a python. It soon transpired that he was actually a grass-snake who lived in the compost-heap. Ruff’s barking drove the scoundrel away.
The episode ended happily when Sammy the Slug was found to be safe and well under a different stone. In fact Lightfoot located a whole host of identical Sammys in the vicinity. Next week’s investigations are to be The Mystery of the Cabbage-Leaf Holes and The Strange Case of the Shrinking Lettuce.