Post date: Apr 13, 2020 11:59:54 AM
By Acorne Oakley and Agago Longleaf
Acorne:
I don't have a story fer ya folks t'day ...
but I do have a Public Health Announcement!
Have any of ya folks herd tell there be an awful virus goin' around our Shire?
I wants ta TRY ta explain what be happenin ...
as much as I understand anyway
Some travelin' folks say it be worse than them murder turtles down in Gondor...
but I've never been that far from the Shire.
Carlo Blagrove said this all be cause of some bad beer...
Miss Hornblower over in Hobbiton insisted it were definitely not her pies this time...
Altho I have herd folks callin it a pie pan-demic
And Mayor Whitfoot said it were so bad he was going to have to shut down the borders of Michel Delving!
...Ya can see how well that went if ya look around the crowd here.
Them bounders will let anybody through the boundary if ya slip em a pie...
and it don't even have ta be as good as my gammer's pies, neither!
So Assistant Fallohide told everybodee they was ta stay 6 feet... or 2 meters... away from other folks.
But I'm not sure if he meant hobbit feet or eluf feet.
I've got very small feet... small enough I could reach out and hug ya from six feets away!
But I know some elufs... and they've got very big feet.
Six feet away would probably take them almost to Brockenboring!
So I decided ta focus on stayin 2 meters away... but I hadn't never herd of a meter afore, so I went to the smartest hobbit I know, my gammer.
She was cookin supper and I asked her "Gammer, how much is a meter?"
She told me "Sure, dear, I'll make the pies meatier!"
And those pies were mighty delicious, let me tell you...
yummy!
So I'm still not sure what Mister Fallohide meant...
but I do know the cure fer ANY bad stuff..
Be dancin ta good music in a party wit yer friends ...
like the OAKS
Agago:
Dear Editor at Bramblebury,
Miss Acorne give us a warnin' at Night of the Muses bout somethin called a Pie Pan Ademic. Everone should take this message ta heart
and watch out fer that mean ole Pie Pan ademic. I took time ta wander bout the Shire (with care and no pie pans) and talk ta some of
the bounders an bar keeps. It seems tis truth to the tale that we outta stay home as much as possible. And keep our pie pans
clean by frequent washin. Some heard that it wuz bad beer, but others laffed at the bad beer theory-specially the bar keeps. I would say
that it seems best ta not take yer pie pans outside yer house, and bad as it might sound, don't make any pies and send ta yer neighbors. If'n you must do so, put em on a board then send em and leave yer pie pans at yer house. I guess it is always possible ta get new pie pans from yer local tinker,
if'n they are open fer buziness. They might be closed cause they don't want that mean ole pie pan ademic ta get ta all their pie pans either.
We done decided ta make lotsa noise and see if that scares away that mean ole pie pan ademic. We play loud music and bang on the cowbell
hopin' to spare our pie pans frum the misery. What does that Pie pan ademic look like? Not real sure. Seems no one has got a good look
at it yet. All of a sudden their pie pans are rusty an pies don't bake evenly on em. It might be like fairy folke, and be invisible and really
quiet. That be my guess. So don't count on seein' it, ner hearin' it. Just stay ta yer house and keep yer pie pans clean.
A concerned Shire citizen,
Agago Longleaf