By Ponso Pondhopper  

A Game of Golf  

Bandobras Took was the son of the Thain   
The tallest then alive  
It was said, of course he could ride a horse  
His height being four foot five!   


Now, Isumbras’ son, when all’s said and done,
Must be the most famous of all;
He wielded a club, the goblins to drub,
Standing both stocky and tall


There’s many a book on the Family Took,
The stories, not hard to recall;
But one stands alone: of the Took who was known
As ‘Bullroarer’, the hero of all.


Now, one day long ago, as hist’ry books show,
The Shire came under attack.
From Mount Gram they came, the Greenfields to claim;
Goblins, all dressed in black!


Their leader, Golfimbul, was agile and nimble
And rather adept with an axe.
He’d amassed many hordes of goblins with swords;
On the Shire he launched his attacks.


The Hobbits were brave and tried hard to save
Their homelands from this assault.
But the goblins fought hard, pushed on yard by yard;
Their progress, no-one could halt.


The Greenfields, they crossed, and all seemed to be lost,
When a shout went up from the rear.
‘It’s Bullroarer at last, and he’s riding up fast!’
And the Hobbits replied with a cheer!


They parted their ranks, attacking the flanks
Of the goblins who’d stopped in their tracks.
The very ground shook, as Bandobras Took
Bore down on the one with the axe!


Golfimbul, t’is said, was fond of his head
And had no intention of losing it;
He turned tail and ran, deserting his clan.
A coward: let’s not be excusing it!


Through the ranks the Took rode, and the goblins he mowed
With every swipe of his stick.
Well Golfimbul broke free, trying to flee
But Bullroarer was after him, quick!


With the goblin in sight, the Took showed his might
And raised the great club in the air
He swung at his head and the goblin fell dead
And Bullroarer reined in his mare.


But the club had such heft that the goblin’s head left
His shoulders, and sailed through the air
And all stood and stared as the head, unimpaired
Disappeared into goodness-knows where!


Well that was enough: though the goblins were tough
They ran from Bandobras Took!
And the Hobbits all cheered, at the goblins they jeered;
Then off for the head went to look.


Strange to relate, Golfimbul’s pate
Had travelled a full hundred paces.
It had rolled down a furrow and into a burrow;
Well, that put a smile on their faces!


When Bullroarer saw, he gave a guffaw:
‘I think I’ve invented game,’
‘With a club strike a ball, in the hole, see it fall…’
‘And ‘Golf’ would be a grand name!’


So my dear friends, that’s how the tale ends,
And Took went back to Long Cleeve
The attack was prevented, and Golf was invented,
At least…
So I’ve been led to believe!