Limericks by Daphnea Shortfellow

'tis Friday once more at the dragon
And I have had quite a few flagons
And now it's my time
To regale you with rhyme
Before I fall right off the wagon

'Tis Friday again so it's time
To regale you once more with my rhyme
If you don't like this verse
It could be so much worse
Just be thankful that I'm not a mime.

Some people regale you with song
Or with poems that go on and on
but to some folk's relief
I keep all mine brief
Or else I will get the words wrong

A dwarf once got stuck in a keg
"Please help me" he started to beg
We levered him out
But on tapping the stout
We found that it tasted of egg

Now this is a cautionary tale
Of the danger of too much fine ale
You'll soon be unable
To dance on the table
And you'll trip right over the rail

I once knew a young lad from Stock
Who had a magnificent...
Flock. Of chickens that is.
If you like leg or breast
His birds were the best
But 'twas nothing compared to his...
Shock. At finding out I wrote a poem about him.

I got such an awful stage fright
At the thought that my audience might bite
Or that you might heckle
The hobbit with freckles
But it turned out alright on the night

I knew a young hobbit from Staddle
Who's frame was quite broad in the saddle
Well I took a chance
When I asked him to dance
But the best he could do was a waddle

Some poems are easy to start
When I write of things close to my heart
This one's not about ale
Or a handsome young male
This rhyme is about strawberry tart

There was a lad from Needlehole
Who before breakfast went out for a stroll
Well the lad he did grumble
and his stomach did rumble
Cos he forgot to pack even a roll

Late last Friday a bard with no name
played songs that put us all to shame
If he is here tonight
It would be such delight
If he would just play them again

When I was last in Rushock Bog
I was asked for a kiss by a frog
I said I'm not convinced
That you're really a Prince
He said "No I just fancy a snog"

I'm a lass who's partial to a brew
I'll drink ale, stout and sometimes mead too
But sometimes I think
You need more than drink
So I always leave room for some stew

A hobbit lad once caught my eye
Who could bake the most fabulous pie
With a crust oh so deep
Served with taters and 'neaps
It's a shame it went straight to my thighs

For cooking that's truly world class
And a figure that none can surpass
With the best dancing feet
You really can't beat
A genuine Shire bred hobbit lass

This poem I wrote for miss Lina
As of biscuits she couldn't be keener
If you offer her some
She won't leave a crumb
And no-one will leave your plate cleaner

Well I've been to Bucklebury ferry
And the quarry that's over in Scary
But I've never met
A more welcoming set
Than those fine folks that live in Bramblebury

There's a hobbit who's known as Sapphyre
Who takes the best seat by the fire
And I really must say
If she don't get her way
She's the scariest thing in the Shire

I warn you now lest you forget
A hedgehog's a dangerous pet
For if a hobbit's feet
And a hedgehog's spines meet
It's something you'll really regret

I'm glad that I did my research
so I didn't get left in the lurch
For the Dragon is bare
With no folk any where
As everyone's come to the Perch

Now I don't want you all to rib her
But I can't find rhymes for Miss Tibba
It took me four weeks
To be ready to speak
Cause I make an atrocious ad-libber

Now before I return to the crowd
One last thing I must say aloud
Your appreciative cheers
And occasional jeers
Have made this young hobbit quite proud.

Some information about the artist:
Daphnea was born and raised in Staddle, though her dad was originally
from the Shire but left after a family feud scattered the Shortfellow
family to the four farthings and beyond. She grew up on her dad's farm
but recently came back to the Shire because the Bree Land is no longer
a safe place for a young lass. She lives on her own in Henbury and
when not writing limericks she makes rugs and carpets to sell in the
market. She is single and on the look out for a lad who knows how to
dance and grow a good vegetable garden and preferably has a name that
is easy to rhyme with. Her favourite pie filling is mushroom.